My Violent Torpedo of Truth / Failure is Not an Option
Radio City Music Hall April 8, 2011
There were no "violent torpedos" and what passed for "truth" were random and disjointed fragments of anecdotes when Charlie Sheen brought his schtick to Radio City. Surely, the venerable 79-year old show palace never hosted an event quite like this.
Things started off well: Sheen took the stage to a standing ovation.
The format of the show was a Q-and-A moderated by Live Nation Producer Joey Scoleri. But Scoleri couldn't keep Sheen focused and on-point.
A riff on hotel rooms that Sheen's stayed out lead to this typically rambling, unfinished anecdote:
"It was at this hotel in Indiannapolis that I pranked John Cusack. I filled the 8th floor with killer bees.... "
Sheen's train of thought was interrupted by a shout from an audience member.
"Hey Emilio ! Who let him in ? I thought he was banned."
We never did find out what happened to John Cusack or the swarm of bees. Or why Emilio would be banned.
There was another hotel story set in Costa Rica involving actress Charlotte Lewis and crazed monkeys outside the hotel, but that story never made it to the finish line either.
On the topic of hotels, what really happened at the Plaza in December ? Sheen blamed the incident on an adverse reaction to Ambien -- plus the fact that he was miffed that porn star Capri Anderson allegedly took his $170,000 watch. Sheen said in that moment he wasn't "winning": he had "tipped" Anderson $30,000 and "didn't even have sex with her."
"She owes me a watch and $30,000 of entertainment," surmised Charlie.
Midway through the show, the restless crowd started to turn on Sheen; delivering punch lines on a sitcom set is one thing; it takes a skilled raconteur to maintain the attention of an audience of 6,000. Telling coherent stories would help.
Sensing the uneasiness of the audience, Scoleri ushered Sheen off the stage for a brief intermission while a 10-minute spoof of Sheen's recent media antics was shown on the video screens.
The star came back to briefly discuss "Two and a Half Men", saying he would be happy to go back and that it was a "bitching job". He invited show Executive Producer and creator Chuck Lorre to join him on stage at a future show so that they "could work it all out."
Scoleri finished his questioning by asking Sheen what was on his "bucket list". Sheen said he wanted to host a sports talk show at a table set up in center field at Yankee Stadium -- while a game was in progress. He also said he's like to "high-five Carmelo Anthony, but I'd miss because I'm too short." He also mumbled something about surfing in Malibu.
And that was it. The Violent Torpedo of Truth ended not with a bang, but a wimper.
This Torpedo was a dud
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