Couch Potato Cop: Goodbye, Angels

Couch Potato Cop: Goodbye, Angels: Deconstructing the early cancellation of ABC's "Charlie's Angels" One of the utter disasters of Fall Season 2011 was the quality and, subs...

Goodbye, Angels

Deconstructing the early cancellation of ABC's "Charlie's Angels"

One of the utter disasters of Fall Season 2011 was the quality and, subsequently, the ratings of ABC's "Charlie's Angels".

More than merely disappointing, the new Angels were borderline unwatchable. Plodding and ponderous --and as sexy as leftover meat loaf -- "Charlie's Angels" was the second worst watch of the fall season, rating only slightly better than NBC's cancelled "The Playboy Club".

Never was watching three attractive women such a chore.

While the show was never promoted heavily by ABC, "Angels" benefitted from built-in brand recognition and most viewers were at least aware of the show's existence. Employing a tried-and-true formula, "Charlie's Angels" seemed like a decent bet coming into the season.

Where did they go wrong? A better question might be "what went right?"

Producers --Drew Barrymore was one--made many missteps, starting with absolutely disastrous casting. The new Angels were a low-wattage trio, a pale comparison to the iconic team of Farrah, Jaclyn & Kate. Is anyone rushing out to buy a Minka Kelly poster ? Not so much.

Kelly, who's most famous for dating New York Yankee Derek Jeter for three years, was joined in the cast by unknowns Annie Ilonzeh and Rachael Taylor. There's nothing wrong with casting unknowns and discovering fresh faces but this trio came across like an "Angels Junior Varsity", as if they were the little sisters of an actual crime-fighting team. Producers eschewed old-school glamor & va-va-va-voom for "the girl next door"-types. The problem with that is we all have girls next door in real life and there's no compelling reason to watch them on television.

Producers never found the right tone for "Angels". It was sincere, somber and devoid of humor. It was about as much fun as sitting in your dentist's waiting room. "Angels" shared the exact same problems with the 2007 "Bionic Woman" reboot, which lasted about the same number of episodes before cancellation.

The three lead characters were not fleshed out and given their own identities. Viewers were expected to root for the Angels just because they were Angels, without knowing much else about them.

"Angels" never soared in the ratings, pitted against CBS' hit "The Big Bang Theory" & a combination of "X Factor" / MLB playoffs on FOX. But the competition wasn't the Angels' problem; it would have failed opposite a test of the emergency broadcast network.

"Angels" premiered to ratings that were in the ballpark of respectable. However, by episode 4 the show hit an almost historically low rating of 1.3 for the coveted 18 to 49 demographic, which is almost impossible for a Big 3 network in Prime Time.

That little-watched episode, titled "Angels in Chains", was a remake of a famous episode of the original series in 1976 in which the Angels investigate corruption in a women's prison. Neither nostalgia nor the prospect of prison cat fights attracted viewers or created any discernible buzz.

ABC tried to soften the blow of embarrassment by announcing the cancellation on a Friday evening when it would garner the least amount of attention.

An epic fail.

Couch Potato Cop: Season 12: "Dancing with the Stars": it's down to ...

Couch Potato Cop: Season 12: "Dancing with the Stars": it's down to ...: "Dancing with the Stars Season 12 Series Finale Hines Ward vs. Chelsea Kane vs. Kirstie Alley A flat-footed tie in judges scores between act..."

Season 12: "Dancing with the Stars": it's down to viewers' vote

Dancing with the Stars

Season 12 Series Finale

Hines Ward vs. Chelsea Kane vs. Kirstie Alley

A flat-footed tie in judges scores between actress Chelsea Kane and football star Hines Ward will leave it up to the viewers tonight to determine who wins the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy on the finale of "Dancing with the Stars". Kane and Ward were tied with 59 out of 60 judges' points.

"Cheers" alum Kirstie Alley did an impressive free-style dance, finishing in third place and would have to be considered a long-shot to win the competition.

All three will do one more competitive dance for judges scores, although the winner may already have been determined by last night's viewer vote.

Tonight's finale will cap off a season where there was never a clear-cut favorite, although Pittsburgh Steeler wide receiver Hines Ward always hovered at or near the top of the leader board.

Ward and partner Kym Johnnson shouldered on through a brutal rehearsal injury to Johnson's neck two weeks ago. That Johnson is out of the hospital, let alone dancing, is a miracle in itself.

On balance, Ward and Johnson have been the best team throughout the season, but the "Dancing with the Stars" point system doesn't reward consistency or body of work.

Actress Chelsea Kane might be peaking at the absolute right time. Kane and partner Mark Ballas seem to have all the momentum leading up to the finale.

We commend Kirstie Alley for an incredible season and finale, but we don't see her winning from the third-place position. No one has ever won the Mirror Ball Trophy after ranking 3rd in Judges score in the finale. Viewers votes count a lot, but they can't propel someone from 3rd to 1st.

So, that leaves us with Hines vs. Chelsea; the Super Bowl MVP vs. the Disney Kid.

Who will the viewers vote for ?

Tough call. On the surface, Ward has a bigger following and public profile, having been an MVP in a Super Bowl. And Pittsburgh Steeler fans are among the most loyal fans in sports. The problem, however, is that football fans in general don't watch "Dancing with the Stars" and certainly don't make up a large part of the voting blocks.

But then there's this theory put forth by Billy Bush of "Access Hollywood" : the dramatic scene of Hines rushing to the hospital to get an update on Kym Johnson's condition and his subsequent dance floor tears after they completed their next dance might have locked in "the sympathy factor".

"Women love 'man-tears'", Bush said. And women are the voting bus that drives reality shows like "Dancing with the Stars".

Will the teenage and 'tweenage voters who watch Kane on the Dinsey Channel rock the vote for Kane ? It's hard to say. But Kane's position closely mirrors that of Season 8 champ gymnast Shawn Johnson who maintained a very low profile during the season and snuck in at the last minute with perfect scores to take the championship. The common denominator is their demographic and that they both had the brilliant Mark Ballas as a partner.

So who will win ? In a razor-thin vote, I give the edge to Hines Ward. I think viewers will recognize that he was the most consistent beginning to end.

Aside from the crowning of a new champion, the most anticipated part of a "DwtS" finale is the returning of the season's competitors. Psycho Mike Catherwood, Wendy Williams, Petra Nemcova, Chris Jericho and Ralph Macchio will all be back to strut their stuff one last time.

Is "The Office" Still a Comedy ?

"The Office" -- Michael Scott says 'goodbye' to Scranton

Is "The Office" still a comedy ? That isn't merely a rhetorical question.

The long-awaited finale in which Michael Scott [Steve Carell] says goodbye to Scranton branch was big on poignancy but the comedy was almost non-existent. Scott's tenure as the loopy, clueless Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin's Scranton branch, ends not with a bang but with a wimper -- that's what she said.

What is it about TV swan songs that leave us disappointed ? MASH, Seinfeld, Friends, The Sopranos... you name it. Viewers counted down to their finales each time and then wondered why they bothered.

Of course "The Office" is staying on the air; it's just the boss that is leaving. [The character moved to Boulder, CO to be with his fiancee Holly Flax.]

It's just a shame that ol' Michael got such a poor send-off, including by his own staff. Michael pulled a fast one by telling everyone the wrong date he was leaving. A sad sense of irony then that the character who would throw office parties for any lame reason imaginable didn't even have a fete to mark his own departure.

The expanded 50-minute episode was so tinged in sadness and pathos that first-time viewers might not have realized that this was a sitcom. The episode opened with Michael and Dwight Schrute [Rainn Wilson] on the roof of the office building with Michael explaining that promoting Dwight wasn't his call. The scene played out with no jokes-- just a somber, droning conversation.

Michael later meets with the Party Planning Committee to discuss the details of his farewell party, which is set for the next day. Pam Halpert [Jenna Fischer] finds it odd that Michael doesn't want any of the usual things that he firmly insisted on in the past.

We later find out that Michael won't be attending the party...he arranged to fly to Colorado at the end of the work day to start his new life with Holly. Michael's final day at Dunder Mifflin is spent personally saying goodbye to staff members who don't realize that he's leaving a day early.

He plays paint ball with Dwight; gives his beloved St.Paulie Girl beer sign to Ryan Howard [BJ Novak]; and gives his best clients to Andy Bernard [Matt Healms], who promptly loses the first account he calls.

New manager D'Angelo Vickers [Will Ferrill] takes Andy out on a sales call to save the lost account, to disastrous results. Unfortunately, this subplot didn't add much-needed comic relief.

The episode's best scene involved Michael with longtime Number Two Jim Halpert [John Krasinski], the show's steady voice of reason. Halpert figured out Michael was secretly leaving early and tells him that he was the best boss he ever had.

The final scene has Michael at Scranton Airport, removing his microphones for the nebulous office documentary that's been in the works for 6 years. He tells the cameraman "let me know if it ever airs." Pam gets by airport security and gives Michael a hug goodbye. There's a final "that's what she said"...and fade to black.

Sorely missing from the episode was Holly Flax [Amy Adams], who appeared only briefly via telephone [off-screen]. Those who were expecting another 'Office' wedding were disappointed.

It's too bad that Michael Scott, the television character, received such an underwhelming send-off. The clueless boss brought to life by Steve Carell will surely go down in the annals of TV history with other memorable characters like Fonzie, Mr. Spock, Archie Bunker and Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce. Come to think of it, those characters didn't get suitable final episode send-offs, either.

In reality, "The Office" jumped the shark two seasons ago. Since then, only a hand full of episodes have been consistently funny. But we'll always have Seasons 1 through 4 on DVD.

Couch Potato Cop: Charlie Sheen Bombs at Radio City; invites Chuck L...

Couch Potato Cop: Charlie Sheen Bombs at Radio City; invites Chuck L...: "Charlie SheenMy Violent Torpedo of Truth / Failure is Not an OptionRadio City Music Hall April 8, 2011 There were no 'violent torpedos' a..."

Charlie Sheen Bombs at Radio City; invites Chuck Lorre to a future show

Charlie Sheen

My Violent Torpedo of Truth / Failure is Not an Option

Radio City Music Hall April 8, 2011

There were no "violent torpedos" and what passed for "truth" were random and disjointed fragments of anecdotes when Charlie Sheen brought his schtick to Radio City. Surely, the venerable 79-year old show palace never hosted an event quite like this.

Things started off well: Sheen took the stage to a standing ovation.

The format of the show was a Q-and-A moderated by Live Nation Producer Joey Scoleri. But Scoleri couldn't keep Sheen focused and on-point.

A riff on hotel rooms that Sheen's stayed out lead to this typically rambling, unfinished anecdote:

"It was at this hotel in Indiannapolis that I pranked John Cusack. I filled the 8th floor with killer bees.... "

Sheen's train of thought was interrupted by a shout from an audience member.

"Hey Emilio ! Who let him in ? I thought he was banned."

We never did find out what happened to John Cusack or the swarm of bees. Or why Emilio would be banned.

There was another hotel story set in Costa Rica involving actress Charlotte Lewis and crazed monkeys outside the hotel, but that story never made it to the finish line either.

On the topic of hotels, what really happened at the Plaza in December ? Sheen blamed the incident on an adverse reaction to Ambien -- plus the fact that he was miffed that porn star Capri Anderson allegedly took his $170,000 watch. Sheen said in that moment he wasn't "winning": he had "tipped" Anderson $30,000 and "didn't even have sex with her."

"She owes me a watch and $30,000 of entertainment," surmised Charlie.

Midway through the show, the restless crowd started to turn on Sheen; delivering punch lines on a sitcom set is one thing; it takes a skilled raconteur to maintain the attention of an audience of 6,000. Telling coherent stories would help.

Sensing the uneasiness of the audience, Scoleri ushered Sheen off the stage for a brief intermission while a 10-minute spoof of Sheen's recent media antics was shown on the video screens.

The star came back to briefly discuss "Two and a Half Men", saying he would be happy to go back and that it was a "bitching job". He invited show Executive Producer and creator Chuck Lorre to join him on stage at a future show so that they "could work it all out."

Scoleri finished his questioning by asking Sheen what was on his "bucket list". Sheen said he wanted to host a sports talk show at a table set up in center field at Yankee Stadium -- while a game was in progress. He also said he's like to "high-five Carmelo Anthony, but I'd miss because I'm too short." He also mumbled something about surfing in Malibu.

And that was it. The Violent Torpedo of Truth ended not with a bang, but a wimper.

This Torpedo was a dud